c and me

the emptiness is so distinct i can almost name it. missing someone and not knowing when you'll see them again is the type of hurt that can only be quantified as hell. sleeping in the same sheets they slept in. lying next to the empty pillow where their head rested just that morning.
the quiet hurts the worst. the absence of someone else's voice. their laughter. the silence feels deafening.

just like the ache in my stomach, something in me is begging to have the space filled. filled with anything but the amplification of loneliness.

it doesn't matter what you call it, i just know that it won't stop. the ache is sharp and heavy and dark all over. outside are varying degrees of gray. 
i imagine that's what the inside of my head must look like.
eating feels like a chore. i remind myself, bite, chew, swallow. repeat. 

i might as well be underwater. life is foggy and moving in slow motion. i don't want to be awake, but i know i can't spend any more time asleep.

cement fills my head. my gaze fixated in front of me, not looking at anything in particular.

staring until my vision blurs, until i am snapped back to some form of reality.

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